I swear I am so depressed when my husband is gone. I'm not even close to the same person I am when he's around. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when he deploys. I can't even handle 3 weeks of training. How am I going to handle a year? I don't know if it's a good or bad thing to love someone this much. I need to be able to fully function on my own. I just really want him to be proud of me & what I accomplish while he's gone. This kind of puts a lot of pressure on me too. I want to be perfect & when he is home I want to make him extremely happy. I feel like a wreck right now & I know I'm not even making much sense. I feel bad for my son. We don't do much together anymore. I feel like I have so much to do, but no energy or motivation to get up & do it. I feel so lonely & useless right now. I think I would be better if I could hear my husband's voice, but I barely get a couple texts a night. Don't get me wrong I'm greatful for those texts, but I'm craving his voice! It really does take an absence to truly realize just how much someone means to you.
Starting tomorrow I need to start being more active & more positive. I can't let my husband's absence ruin me. He wouldn't want that. I need to be stronger for my son too. That poor baby has done nothing for days. I feel like a terrible wife & mom. I need to get out of this mood. I'll give myself until tomorrow morning & then that's it. Things have GOT to change & I'm the only one who has the power to do that...
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